The late Kim Soo-mi (Kim Young-ok), who suddenly passed away on October 25, will have her diary, which she started writing in her 30s, published on the 12th under the title “I Petition Against All Things That Kill Me.”
Kim Soo-mi had expressed her desire to publish her diary as a book, and her family revealed that they decided to make it public as they witnessed the pain she endured in her later years. All proceeds from the book will be donated.
In her diary, Kim Soo-mi wrote, “I am afraid of the repercussions that will hit my family after this book is published,” but also stated, “I have received the Lord and gained courage. I want to share my life philosophy with those who have contemplated suicide and with young people, so they can understand how I have come to be at this age and in this position.”
Until just before her sudden passing, Kim Soo-mi was under extreme stress due to a dispute with a company that bore her name, which is also noted in her diary from October to November 2023.
She expressed her complex and painful feelings, stating, “Every day is torture. I can’t enjoy my meals or sleep without sleeping pills, worrying about what repercussions will come from the articles,” and “The anxiety and fear I experienced over the past month were a nightmare in itself. I was anxious about whether articles would break regarding the company lawsuit.”
After her son, Jeong Myung-ho, who was the company’s representative, was dismissed and they were both sued for embezzlement, she expressed her frustration, saying, “Lord, I have not committed any sins,” and “An article broke today. Embezzlement? It’s really absurd,” revealing her feelings of injustice.
In her later years, Kim Soo-mi also suffered from panic disorder. Since January, she lamented, “Food feels like sand, and the suffocating pain of panic disorder cannot be healed by any medication.” On some days, she reflected, “Panic disorder makes it hard to breathe. Anxiety and fear made this the hardest time of my life.”
Her diary also contained her passionate love for acting and work. Notable entries include, “I will risk my life to film, practice, play, and endure; surely there will be some reward” (April 1986), “I did well in yesterday’s filming. Let’s show what we can do with the mindset of making a comeback after 70 years” (January 2004), and “I am so thirsty for acting” (February 2017).
Her deep affection for her family is also evident. In a note from 40 years ago, she wrote, “With a body that has no strength to sit, I kiss my daughter’s forehead as she sleeps like an angel, and I swear every day, ‘I will live hard for you’” (October 1985), revealing the heart of a mother rather than an actress.
Kim Soo-mi was found in cardiac arrest on the morning of October 25 and was transported to Seoul St. Mary’s Hospital, but she passed away. She was 75 years old. The cause of death was reported as ‘hyperglycemic shock’ due to a long-standing battle with diabetes. Her 49th-day memorial service will be held on the 12th at 2 PM in Yongin, Gyeonggi Province. Her final work, “Ghost Police,” is set to be released in January next year.
